Burning and Rebuilding Bridges

If email is a good way of burning bridges, direct, honest, two-way communication is the way to rebuild them.

Yesterday, Jill finally called and though a little difficult at first (since we were probably both a little uncomfortable over things said in email) we were able to talk through the problems and come to not just peaceful resolution, but an actual happy one!

Jill informed me that she and her fiance were able to work things out with their new landlord, allowing them not just to bring their own two cats to the new home, but Treasure as well!

This was, of course, amazingly good news as I was fully prepared (though reluctantly) to take Treasure back.

Suddenly the anxiety over having to take back a cat when we are having such difficulties placing adult, "regular" cats was gone. I felt tremendous relief!

Follwing mutual apologies, Jill and I went on to have a very pleasant and friendly conversation catching up on some of the events of the past year. The poor economy had hit Jill and her fiance very hard and was the major reason for the move out of the (expensive) city. Hopefully, the young couple could now catch up to financial challenges and even save a little money.

Unfortunately, its a familiar story over the past couple of years and one of the prime and tragic reasons for animals ending up in shelters or, in some cases being returned to a rescue group.

I assured Jill that if she were to run into any medical or other difficult expenses with Treasure, she had only to call and I would try to help her. But, she seemed pretty confident and optimistic about the future.

After we wished each other well and said good-bye, I considered going back online and deleting the blog entry from yesterday. What if Jill reads this? I wondered.

But, after careful consideration, I decided to leave it.

The purpose of yesterday's journal entry was not just to vent hurt feelings or bad-mouth in judgmental fashion, an individual who had been so reliable and instrumental in saving not just cats, but a number of dogs over the years, but, more importantly, to warn about the dangers of email -- especially when delivering any kind of bad news to another.

There was, of course, the duel purpose of stating the view that rescue groups and shelters should be entitled to the same considerations and respect as other agencies or companies when one has to give up a responsibility or end an association (i.e. "two week notice."). That of course puts aside those emergencies or rare instances of sudden illness or an animal biting someone.

We live in a complex and technological world today. And while there are tremendous advantages and convenience in the instant one-way communications of email or text messages, they should never be used as means of avoiding confrontation or ending a commitment -- That is, unless one wants to burn bridges and bring down in a torrent of bitter feelings on both sides, something that once was good.

In saying this, I refer to both the sender of bad news emails and the recipient who reacts and responds in kind (as I wrongly did).

In some ways, endings are even more important than beginnings in all relationships and associations whether in work or the personal life, as its the endings that create ultimate memory, perception and even attitude towards the future.

As we travel through life we will know many friends, bosses, colleagues, subordinates, partners and/or even romantic lovers.

Things constantly change in a fast paced world and associations end for a myriad of legitimate reasons.

But, its important that when leaving any association to allot proper time to do so in a respectful, honest and fully communicative manner.

Emails and text messages, unfortunately don't allow for that.

They burn, rather than build or leave intact, the bridges so necessary for a complete and happy life.

I am glad Jill finally called yesterday. She showed class and guts in an otherwise difficult situation. We can both leave this association now with memories of all that was good over a span of about seven years.

The bridges remain strong and intact. -- PCA

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Email Protocols and Two Week Notices

(Picture Left: "Treasure" -- Like his name implies, Treasure is a loving and gentle gem of a kitty. So much so, I wrongly presumed his foster person might want to keep him. Lesson to learn [among others]: Never ASSume anything!)

I am not a fan of email.

While email has it attributes in terms of speed, economy and convenience, there is something cold, impersonal, indirect and transitory about it.

I much prefer direct and personal communications with others -- if not, face to face, then over a phone.

This is why, in all of our adoption postings we require interested parties to CALL us and not email.

I want to be able to hear the nuances and emotions in people's voices. I want spontaneous, two-way conversation.

If people cannot find the time to make a phone call and engage in two-way, uncontrived conversation, then, in my view, they don't have the time to have a dog or cat.

That may sound judgmental, "old fashioned" and discriminating, but at least for me, it's just the way it is.

Reality is, we cannot adopt or send out animals as email attachments. At some point, there has to be direct communication. That is better and more time efficient to be sooner than later.

In addition to the aforementioned drawbacks of email, there is also something called, "email protocol."

We have all heard stories of those who, in a moment of passion or anger say things in email that later comes back to bite them in the ass.

Then there are those who use email as cowardly means for breaking off a relationship with someone or quitting a job (a serious "no no" in terms of propriety and consideration of the feelings of others).

One is reminded of a particularly funny (because of its connection to truth) "Sex and the City" episode in which a boyfriend of Carrie's breaks up with her on a Post-a-Note.

But, whether one chooses Post-A-Notes, emails or text messages to end an association or deliver bad news, they all represent poor form in one-to-one communications and personal relationships as they either take the other person out of the communication or end up in angry emails (due to hurt feelings) or messages going back in forth.

No matter how you look at it, personal emails should be kept to bare minimum and used only when absolutely necessary -- i.e. when the more direct and two-way means of communication are not available. In my view, emails should only be used to share with others non-personal information, such as news articles, jokes or animals available for rescue or adoption (such as shelters sending out Alerts or Euth list to rescues, although this quickly becomes overwhelming over time.)

I am writing about and am particularly touchy about email today because over the past two days, I am having a very negative experience with it.

Yesterday morning, a long time foster volunteer sent me an email suddenly announcing that she was "moving" in a week and I would have to take her foster cat, Treasure back within that time.

Not only was I surprised and disappointed about not getting any warnings or "heads up" that this circumstance might suddenly occur, but I was also dismayed that the bad news was delivered by email instead of personal phone call.

As said, choosing email to end any kind of association or deliver bad news is (to me) cowardly and disrespectful to the affected party. That goes too, for suddenly returning animals to shelters or rescue groups with little or no proper notice.

Since yesterday, several not-so-pleasant emails have been exchanged between "Jill" (not her real name) and myself.

Jill now feels "insulted" because I intimated that her actions lacked consideration and suitable "notice" in time to find proper foster replacement.

I feel insulted for all the reasons cited.

Although I assured Jill that I would indeed take Treasure back as stipulated in our adoption and foster contracts, I also let her know this was not the best thing for either the cat or myself. I am already at capacity with the animals in my home. One of the reasons I requested Jill to foster Treasure many months ago is I felt it necessary to try and cut down on the number of animals in my home. -- Especially now that I am getting older, living alone and experiencing some health issues.

It is unfortunate that a working relationship that over the years, had been very fruitful, respectful, responsible, friendly and beneficial to both parties now seems to dissolve in a bevy of hurt feelings and insult on both sides.

It is sad, but true that often in life, how things end is generally how they are ultimately perceived -- regardless of all that went before them.

There are a couple of lessons to be taken out of the sharing of this story:

The first is that one should NEVER use email, text messages or Post-a-Notes to deliver bad news to another or end and association.

The second is that when agreeing to foster or adopt an animal from an organization, it is very similar to taking on a "job:"

When quitting any job or responsibility, it is only proper (and often required) to give at least two weeks notice in order that the affected party can find suitable replacement.

No matter the excuses or reasons, the foster person in this case was just plain wrong.

And despite all the wonderful achievements and sacrifices of the past, the way this particular association ends, forever effects its overall and ultimate perception on both sides.

For one who generally hates communication via email, how ironic to find myself in this place.

I will never understand why the general public does not think that shelters and rescue groups don't warrant the same respect and protocol that other companies and agencies do.

That needs to change. -- PCA

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Sweet Nothings

(Picture left: "Cassy" when rescued from the pound. But, what does luck have in store for her? Can Cassy find her sweet nothings?)

Some people are amazingly thoughtful.

Yesterday, I went to our organization's PO Box to pick up the monthly mail.

Normally, this is not a high priority as there are usually only a couple of envelopes, unless we have recently sent out a newsletter.

Since we are only mailing out a yearly newsletter now, I had little expectation when sauntering over to the post office yesterday.

But, surprisingly, there were more than a dozen envelopes, most of them, obvious Christmas cards!

I placed them in my bag without opening and then went to walk one of the dogs we have boarding in Manhattan.

It was a cold, crisp day in New York City. The snow from more than a week ago is now completely melted after some heavy rains and warmer weekend temperatures. But, one could feel the colder, winter "wind chills" starting to return and settle in.

Nevertheless, the brisk weather felt good to me and more befitting to what one should expect as we approach the deep days of winter.

I went to the Dog Spa to walk Cassy -- a very sweet little 7-year-old, Beagle mix rescued more than a month ago, but yet to be adopted.

Cassy originally went to a foster home in Manhattan. Although she is housebroken, completely social and gentle with people, kids and other pets, she does possess the rather loud bark associated with her breed. She occasionally barked at the cats in the foster home and for brief periods when the foster people would initially leave the apartment.

That was enough to cause neighbor complaints.

The foster in this case was very intimidated and when she received a threatening letter from "housing" she informed me that Cassy had to immediately go.

Unfortunately in this case (unlike the one with Lady a few weeks back where the neighbors and landlord allotted some time to us to work out the problem) there was no time to try and work with Cassy to alleviate and solve the barking and/or separation anxiety.

The loving little Beagle mix has now been in boarding since before Christmas.

I walked Cassy around Carl Shurtz Park yesterday and took her briefly to the dog run. Although a little timid around the bigger and younger dogs there, Cassy held her own and surprised me with her ability to quickly run and engage in play!

It was a beautiful crisp day in the park which is adjacent to the East River. A flock of seagulls flew lazily over the water as the wintry sun twinkled brightly through the now bare trees.

I really love our city parks in winter. There is a certain peace about them as the bustling jogging and sunbathing crowds of summer are long gone. Most of the "life" one sees in the winter parks these days are wildlife.

I felt amazingly good. No stress. No phone calls or "crisis." No desperate email alerts or "Euth Lists" -- at least for the moment.

No spells of vertigo.

Just a peaceful dog at my side and the pleasure of watching seagulls circle in the crisp blue sky.

Indeed, the only thing I regretted is that I did not have my camera with me. It would have been the perfect day for pictures -- particularly, better photos of Cassy.

But, perhaps that can occur over the next few days.

I felt sad and somewhat guilty when returning Cassy to her small, barren "room" in the boarding facility. Yes, she is safe and cared for. But, it is no life for a loving and gentle dog like this.

Despite almost constant advertising and promotion, Cassy has yet to find someone with a heart for her. Some dogs are just "luckier" than others.

Over the past couple of weeks we have adopted out 4 dogs. But, all were fairly recent rescues over the past couple of months. But, for other dogs like Daisy, Coco and Nia who have now all been in boarding for almost a full year, "luck" just doesn't seem to be on their side.

I hope Cassy doesn't turn into one of our unlucky, "long time boarders."

It would be a travesty for such a socialized, people-loving dog like her.

Last night, after all other errands were run and phone messages answered, I finally went through the mail that had been picked up earlier in the day.

Almost all were from former adopters. Generous donations, lovely cards, warm notes and "thank you's" for the animals adopted from us.

In one case, a cat adopted 16 years ago and "still doing fine!"

They all truly warmed my heart.

It is the rare person who possesses the thoughtfulness and class to contact the shelter or rescue group they adopted a pet from months or years before to update and thank (especially without solicitation). Indeed, I would not have the sensitivity or thoughtfulness for that!

It is a "little thing" for sure, but a little thing that means so much.

Aside from the money which is always appreciated and needed, it was the warm notes and sentiments that most touched me.

It reminds one of an old Brenda Lee song: "Sweet Nothings."

Sweet nothings, indeed.

A walk in the park with a needy and grateful dog. Sea gulls flying lazily over the river. Warm notes, generosity and gratitude from past adopters.

They may be "nothings" in this material, technical and fast paced world, but they are in fact everything in terms of what's really important in life.

They, in fact, validate everything we do and who we are in nature and in life.. -- PCA

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Losing My Religion

(Picture Left: "Brownie" who arrived at the pound as an already spayed "stray" just prior to Christmas. We picked Brownie out of one of many shelter Alerts begging for rescue help with the hundreds of animals suddenly arriving just before Christmas. What does that say about our culture's real "religious values?")

If I was depressed over Christmas it was not just due to the separation between myself and immediate family, but the situation in the animal shelters, as well.

It seems just prior to any major holiday, large numbers of animals are either dumped directly in the pounds or abandoned to streets. That this also occurs around Christmas is particularly daunting and almost shocking considering the religious significance of the holiday.

I have often wondered: How does one abandon one's cat or dog in the street or pound and then go off to Church and sing religious hymns?

Something about that image strikes me as incredibly hypocritical and phony.

What, after all, is the point of Christmas if not to inspire greater kindness, responsibility and compassion towards those especially less powerful than us and in the case of pets, dependent upon us?

The number of cats and dogs suddenly abandoned on Christmas Eve due to "moving," and "cost" is particularly noteworthy. How many people "move" on Christmas Eve? How much money did the people dropping pets off for "cost" spend on presents, travel or other holiday celebrations compared to the cost of a can of dog or cat food? Did we see these same people rushing around stores on Christmas Eve seeking last minute bargains?

Perhaps I am being overly cynical again.

But, it was hard to be anything but disillusioned when, on Christmas Day I opened one of the many shelter "Alerts" arriving in email to find one containing the Intake cards of 27 dogs, almost all of whom had been abandoned to streets just prior to Christmas, tied up to poles or dumped directly due to "cost" or "moving."

Add to those, a number of other dogs adopted and then returned a couple of days later for things like "peeing on the floor." Many, if not most dogs are insecure , nervous and a little disoriented when suddenly being uprooted to a new home, new people and environment. Peeing on the floor should be expected, under those circumstances, when first bringing home a new dog or puppy.

It is amazing how many people who, though well intentioned, don't seem to understand the first thing about animals (i.e. "Cats or Dogs 101") before adopting.

With all the books, Internet information and even TV shows about dog and cat behavior these days, that is particularly hard to understand. Bringing home a pet is not like bringing home a toaster or toy. One should do their homework, especially in terms of understanding dog or cat behavior before impulsively acquiring a pet.

In some ways its cruel to adopt a cat or dog and then return the animal a few days later because one doesn't want to take the time to understand and work out a problem. As said many times, most initial problems are solvable with just a little commitment, patience, understanding and most of all, time itself.

But, many people don't want to give something time to work itself out. If it is not "instant bliss," the animal is returned to the shelter or adoption agency within days of the acquisition. This tends to undermine the animal's already sensitive sense of security and self-esteem, as well as it puts extra burdens on the shelter or rescue group. Sometimes it renders the adoption agency more apprehensive and even cynical about doing adoptions. -- One reason why some agencies "put potential adopters through the mill" before releasing a cat or dog. We can't read what is in people's minds and hearts. We have no way of gaging levels of patience and commitment to a new pet. And so yes, we need to be careful. But, even with all the care or "checks" in the world, animals are still returned.

And so yes, it was particularly heart wrenching and tear producing, reading and seeing the anxious faces of animals confined in the pound on Christmas day. The desperate emails sent out from the shelters on this day were especially disturbing and desparing.

Though raised a Catholic, I haven't attended church or mass in a number of years -- even those on Christmas Day.

It is not a matter of not believing anymore or losing faith in God or Christ or Christmas.

It is, however, a matter of losing faith in organized religion itself.

It simply doesn't speak to me anymore. -- PCA

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The Best Gifts

(Pictures left: People mulling about the frozen lake near Bethesda Fountain, Tina looking for ducks or raccoons, Chance just being one happy dog in the snow! All of it like an old song, by Spanky and Our Gang: "Lazy Day!" -- and all it, the best gift one can give one's self.)

Of all the holidays, Christmas is the one that is most difficult to spend alone.

Memories of family Christmases past tend to flood one's consciousness, as well as the societal messages of family and togetherness, particularly on Christmas Day..

My family is actually quite small now.

I never had any bothers or sisters.

Mother, Grandmother, Aunts and Uncles have all passed on.

I have a couple of cousins who live in the west and we exchange Christmas cards every year. One of them I actually talked with last week over the phone. That was very pleasant.

I have one daughter, Tara who is now married and lives in Utah. Due to the distance and the fact Tara has a demanding job, we are rarely able to see each other any more.

Tara did make it to New York this past week on Monday. But, she had to be on the first plane out of Kennedy Airport the next morning.

The less than 24 hours we were together seemed to go by in a flash. We managed to get in a quick walk in the park and a trip to midtown to see the Rockerfeller tree as well as the finely decorated stores along Fifth Avenue. All of it was wonderful fun and fulfilling -- especially just being with my daughter once again.

But, it seemed no sooner than Tara arrived, she had to rush to leave. -- So much left undone and unsaid.

And so, I was actually quite depressed on Christmas Eve. Once the stores closed and images of families attending Midnight Mass services began to appear, I found myself falling into some kind of downward, emotional, self-pitying spiral: "How did I end up like this?"

I turned on the TV and tried to watch a re-run of "Who Wants to be A Millionaire" or anything that was non-Christmas.

I ended up watching the movie, "Capote." A really interesting film about the famous "In Cold Blood" author. But, thinking about murder, Capital Punishment and heavy human choice on Christmas morning when one is already depressed is probably not the wisest use of time on the most treasured and holiest day of the year.

Thank God for my dogs, Tina and Chance.

Yesterday, Christmas Day, I went with my dogs to Central Park.

Initially feeling a little shaky and unsteady on the icy and slightly slippery bridal path, I figured the walk would be a fairly short one. -- Perhaps a quick trip around the Great Lawn, throw some bread out for the birds, maybe take a picture or two.

But, as we moved on, I began to feel stronger in the brisk, wintry air and took special joy in the delight of my two dogs enjoying the snow.

We ended up spending two hours in the park......walking along the wooded paths of the Rumbles, to the frozen rowboat lake, to Bethesda Fountain and back.

I snapped some pictures along the way, but the best ones were of Chance's happy face in the snow and Tina's back side while she eagerly looked for ducks or raccoons near the frozen Turtle pond.

The day was nice for "people watching" too. Everyone looking happy and serene. A few teenagers pushing their luck walking on the thin ice of the lake; one family even having a picnic in 38 degree temperatures!

It all reminded one of the old Spanky and Our Gang song, "Lazy Day."

Finally arriving home about an hour before sunset, I marvelled at how physically good and strong I felt, as well as how the day had actually turned out to be quite wonderful and fun!

I laughed at how blackened and grungry both dogs looked from romping around in all the wet snow, ice and dirt.

But, it was all so worth it.....

I thought to myself, sometimes the best gifts are those one gives to one's self.

Especially, when being lucky to have two great dogs to share those gifts with. -- PCA

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Those First (Dreaded) Six Weeks! (Reply)

(Picture Left: [Sweet, but timid] "Lady" -- Almost a "boomerang" dog.)

SKDean Writes: I'm so sorry Diamond's adoption didn't work out. It's too bad the woman couldn't have transformed her grief into an act of loving kindness toward another living being. I hope Diamond finds a wonderful home soon.

Reply: Well, the adopter donated food and other supplies so it wasn't a matter that Ellen was a bad person. She just should have been more upfront in terms of her real motivation for adoption. I would have told the young woman that an animal cannot immediately fill the holes caused by grief and loss of a loved one. There are no magic bullet cure-alls for the misfortunes of life -- other than perhaps time itself.

Time (and patience) is, in fact, the remedy for most of life's challenges, including those that often come with the acquisition of a new cat or dog.

It is stressful bringing home a new pet. The animal has to adjust to new people, a new home, neighborhood and routine. The people have to adjust to new responsibilities and demands upon their time. Both, the animal and the person have to try to figure each other out.

"Bonding" isn't something that occurs either with animals or people in a day or a week.

Relationships take time.

I don't know and don't proclaim that the adoption of Diamond by the young woman was doomed to failure simply because her motivation for the adoption was misguided. It could have worked out if Ellen was willing to give herself and Diamond more time and if she could have kept her expectations more in line with reality.

But, so often when people make emotional and arbitrary judgments based on only having an animal a few days or a week, those decisions are not in the ultimate best interest of either the person or the pet.

I always stress to people at the time of adoptions to call us if they have ANY questions or problems.

I don't consider adoptions a "done deal" by any stretch of the imagination as I am too aware of the many challenges facing both the pet and the adopter in those early days of bringing home a new animal.

With dogs especially, there can be initial problems with housebreaking, separation anxiety, barking, getting along with other pets in the home and even in some cases, trust.

In virtually every case where an adopter (or foster) calls us to discuss concerns or problems and listens to the tips and advice they are given, the placement eventually works out successfully.

One recent case in point:

About a month ago, a young man named Nick adopted an older little hound mix from us named "Lady."

Lady is a lovely, gentle and devoted dog. But, even when we rescued her from Animal Care and Control, it was pretty clear that Lady was a timid, somewhat insecure dog who lacked confidence -- especially after being abandoned by her family who had her for nine years.

When first going into her new adoptive home, Lady lacked the confidence to pee outside (where other dogs have marked the territory) and thus presented with housebreaking issues. Additionally, she had separation anxiety problems and barked when Nick went to work.

This of course resulted in neighbor complaints about the barking and even a letter from the landlord.

Nick was understandably very stressed and faced with the possibility that either the dog would have to go -- or he could potentially lose his apartment.

It seemed that Lady was going to be returned to us -- unless we could somehow solve the problems within a very short time space.

I spoke with Nick several times over the next couple of weeks, getting information from him as well as offering tips and advice. I stressed the importance to Nick of trying to keep his own stress and anxiety issues to a minimum (as dogs pick up on human emotions) even though that is very tough under the circumstances. I offered Nick a "game plan" so to speak, on helping Lady to realize her place in the home and to feel more secure. The game plan consisted of (among other things) not allowing Lady to follow him to the door when Nick leaves the home, not making a fuss when he leaves or comes home, walking the dog during those times when the streets are more quiet and less crowded and walking Lady in a consistent area. A little "Rescue Remedy" might also serve to calm Lady's nerves.

I would be lying were I to say we solved all the problems within a few days.

Rather, it has taken almost a full month for Lady to finally "settle in."

But, the good news is that in a conversation from the other day, Nick tells me that Lady is now consistently doing her duties outside and the barking when left alone has all but ceased.

We are very lucky that the adopter in this case was very willing to listen, heed the advice and "hang in there" through the challenging period of the first month following an adoption.

I always say that if we can get through the first 6 weeks or so, following an adoption placement, it is virtually assured of working out.

The problem of course is getting through those first (dreaded) 6 weeks! -- PCA

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Of Hearts and Minds

(Picture Left: Diamond. Loving, loyal dog, adopted out to a good person. And yet, returned......)

Adoptions are complicated.

Far more so, than either the media or many of the large, established organizations would have one believe.

About a week ago, we adopted out a wonderful, fully trained and loving hound mix named, "Diamond" to a young woman who had grown up with dogs and currently has a cat.

"Ellen" told me she greatly missed having a dog, but it would be important that any dog she adopt, be good with cats.

When rescued from the pound, Diamond came with information from her past owners. Part of that information indicated that Diamond loved cats.

I recommended Diamond to Ellen and within a few days, Ellen went to see the devoted, mature dog in her foster/boarding home. Ellen called me that evening enthusiastic about adopting Diamond.

Everything seemed perfect. Good dog to a good person. Ellen had excellent vet references, a good job and seemed to be very committed and responsible.

But, after only having Diamond less than a week, I received a call from Ellen the other day.

She seemed upset.

"What's the problem?" I asked.

I anticipated hearing that perhaps Diamond was chasing the cat or having housebreaking or separation anxiety issues -- typical challenges that people can run into with newly acquired dogs.

But, it was none of those things.

Rather, Ellen had taken Diamond to her vet the day after adopting for a general check-up and it seems the vet overwhelmed her with too much information.

During the visit, the vet pointed out that although healthy, Diamond had a small scrape on her tail that she appeared to be biting at. The vet prescribed antibiotics and placed an Elizabethan collar around the dog's head (to prevent licking or biting). The vet also warned that if the wound did not heal properly, Diamond's tail might have to be amputated!

Additionally, the vet discussed other things with the young woman, such as Heartworm prevention -- an odd thing right now considering the temperatures in NYC are in the 20's and we are just about to embark on winter. Heartworm is derived from mosquitos and mostly occurs to those dogs who live in rural areas or spend most of their time outdoors. Ellen lives in a New York apartment.

All of this had the effect of somewhat alarming Ellen and apparently convincing her that she had gotten over her head with the adoption of the dog.

I tried to tell Ellen that it was extremely unlikely that Diamond would need her tail amputated, though it was understandable that a vet might feel need to communicate "worst case scenario." I also informed Ellen that if "worst case scenario" actually occurred, we would pay for any necessary follow-up vet care or surgery. Why the vet felt it necessary to discuss Heartworm prevention with the young woman as the city was about to experience a major snow storm is, however, still a mystery.

But, despite my efforts to try and reassure Ellen and support her through any challenges with the newly adopted dog, she kept saying to me, "I don't think I am really ready for this responsibility. Diamond's a wonderful dog, but I think I need to bring her back...."

Such throwing in the towel especially when having the adopted animal less than a week is particularly frustrating to those of us in rescue and placement. I had to bite my lip to prevent myself from saying, "Well, if you weren't ready for a dog, why did you adopt?"

But, ultimately, this wasn't a matter of a bad dog or bad adopter.

It was a matter, I believed, of a new dog caregiver/owner wanting to do "the right thing" but becoming intimidated, frightened and overwhelmed by "too much information" (in this case) given by an overly careful vet. What was the point in scaring a new dog adopter with all these worst case scenarios?

Instead of questioning Ellen's motives for adoption when she "wasn't ready," I once again tried to reassure the young woman that challenges and doubts are common when people first acquire a dog or a cat. Most of these problems resolve themselves with time, support, patience, care and confidence. It typically takes most dogs and their new owners about a month to six weeks to fully adjust to all the changes and new challenges.

But, nothing I said apparently had any effect.

Yesterday, Ellen returned Diamond to her foster/boarding home -- apparently very distraught and in tears.

But, the interesting thing about all this is the (real?)reason Ellen offered Chris (the foster caregiver) for both the adoption and return of Diamond.

Ellen told Chris that after her mother recently died, she felt a sense of profound loss and loneliness.

She thought that adopting a dog might help to alleviate her sense of grief and perhaps help to heal and fill the empty void in her heart.

But, of course neither animals nor humans can heal the grief in one's soul when there is major loss or hurt in life.

It is unwise to either bring in a dog or cat or have a baby when either animal or human has a "job" to do. (i.e. heal a wounded heart, a bad marriage, loneliness or anxiety.)

Had Ellen told me any of this from the beginning, I never would have adopted out a dog to her. I might have recommended grief counseling instead.

In this case, the adoption and return of Diamond had little, if anything at all to do with scrapes on tails, questionable veterinary advice or even feeling overwhelmed.

It had everything to do with adopting an animal for the wrong reasons.

Unfortunately, people don't always communicate to us, the subconscious or deeper reasons why they might seek to adopt a cat or dog. And, we can't read minds.

I just know that no animal replaces or "fills" the loss of a beloved pet or human. No animal (or human for that matter) "heals" a broken heart or shattered home.

Each pet brought into a home or baby brought into the world is his/her own special entity and has to be welcomed, appreciated, cared for and loved as such.

That usually requires a free and open heart; not one leaden and weighted down in grief.

Indeed, adoptions are complicated.

That is until the day we are able to peer into both, what is in people's minds and hearts. -- PCA

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