Thoughts on Parental and Other Love -- Humans and Geese

Dad, mom and babies. Unconditional love and self sacrifice, the (ideal) hallmarks of parenthood both, in geese and humans.

Role of gander to guard and protect.  Mom to teach.

When these babies grow, they will move on to their own lives and loves.

Mother love now. But, in later years, love and companionship of mate.

A recent news story citing Pope Francis' advisement to married couples to have children (rather than pets), as well as the hatching of new goslings in Central Park has prompted personal consideration of the merits of love, reproduction and parenthood both, in animals and humans.  (For purposes of correlation and comparison, I am using geese because their social and family structures most closely resemble that of humans.)

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http://www.theguardian.com/world/2014/jun/03/pope-tells-couples-have-children-not-pets

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In closely observing the new goose family in the park, I believe the Pope made a blunder on several levels.  

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Putting aside the mistake of wrongly dragging pets into the moral debate of whether we (humans) have become a largely narcissistic and self-absorbed culture, the bigger question goes to what should be the main motivator in the decision to have offspring or not?

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It seems that (aside from the drive to carry on genes and the species), the primary motivator for having young should be the capacity for unending and unconditional love as well as the desire to care for other living beings aside from one's self. (On this point, the taking in of cats and dogs by some humans to care for and love when unable or unprepared to have children is, on its face and ideally, an unselfish act as opposed to a narcissistic and indulgent one. The Pope was wrong in using this as example of human selfishness or over-indulgence.)

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Of all the different types of love (romantic, friendship, family), parental love is the only one that is truly unconditional as all others are based upon expectation, need, mutual sharing and give-back.

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But, by implying that having children is some kind of insulator against "loneliness and bitterness" in old age, the Pope attaches condition and expectation to the act of producing children. ("My kids will be there for and take care of me in old age.")

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Should fear of loneliness in old age be the primary motivator for having children then that is to indulge the very thing that the Pope otherwise seems to be railing against -- self-absorption and sense of entitlement.

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Geese do not produce young because of expectation that in old age, the offspring will be there to save them from loneliness  -- They have their mates for that.

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Nor do geese produce offspring as a kind of glue to hold the relationship together and cement the bonds of love between mates.

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Of the many goose couples who, over the years, have been observed to either lose eggs or experienced their offspring's destruction by humans, the relationships of the mates survived and persevered nonetheless.  One might even argue that in some cases, it became stronger based upon shared and mutual loss and grief.

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Survival of romantic love is not dependent upon procreation (or its absence) as much as it is based upon attraction, shared experiences, values, commitment, devotion and desire for companionship.

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The Pope's further statement that, "Fertility is one of the three planks of a successful marriage, alongside faithfulness and perseverance" is also questionable."  Certainly, there are millions of examples in humans where the production of children ultimately resulted in divorce, rather than a successful marriage.  The world is in fact filled with millions of single human mothers. 

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By contrast, one is hard pressed to find many examples of "single goose mothers" unless their mate has been lost to death.

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The production of offspring, while certainly adding to the responsibilities, challenges and capacities for self-sacrifice among humans and geese does in fact little to cement the actual bonds of love, unless they were there to start with and are worked on throughout the relationship.

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In summation, the prime reason for deciding whether to have offspring or not (aside from carrying on one's gene pool) should be the willingness and capacity for unconditional and self-sacrificing love as well as the anticipated joy in raising and imprinting upon the young.  

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But, when grown the young adults, (whether humans or geese) move on to their own lives and loves, while we remain to carry on with those we have hopefully cultivated with, the other types of love, primary among them, romantic love. 

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Perhaps the Pope should spend more time observing nature -- particularly the loves and sacrifices of the geese.   -- PCA

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