Monday, May 9, 2011

Those Crazy Geesies!

Sometimes I think these damn geesies like to give people near heart attacks.
Check out this video of a newswoman trying to do a weather report while two parent geese cross a busy city street with their two tiny goslings:
(Its a really good thing this incident didn't occur in NYC.  Mayor Doombird would call out a firing squad or the Navy Seals.)
Crazy geesies!
Mama and Papa goose at Turtle Pond are sending me towards a nervous breakdown (like the poor weather girl in the video) with their recent and frustrating games of "hide and seek!"
For three days in a row, I cannot find the elusive pair when I first go to Turtle Pond.
All kinds of horrible images immediately start racing through my head:
The guy from "Goosebusters" in a little boat paddling furiously towards the geesies.   The mean old Border Collies on the embankment about to charge into the water! 
Chasing, chasing, paddling, barking,  cornering.......
My terrified geesies leaping towards the sky in a panic!   A plane flying low over the park!
Like a horror movie playing repeatedly in my head.
Today, as in the past two days, I walked all around Turtle Pond, but could find no sign of the two hide-and-seek players.   I practically ran with my two dogs up to Belvedere Castle to search for Mama and Papa in the rocks.   
But they were not there!
Oh no!  Where are they?  Go to the lake!  Maybe they are hiding under a rowboat!  Maybe they are stuck and can't get out!
But, then, just as I was about to expand the search to the Central Park Boat Lake, Mama and Papa casually popped out from some marshes and started swimming romantically on the pond together.
They were not at all phased by the drama (and near breakdown) they had just caused! 
Rather, it was like the joke and highlight of their day!  "Lets give that silly woman and her two nutty dogs some exercise!  Let's freak her out!"
Grabbing my two dogs who looked at me as if to say, "Hey, what the hell?  We were just getting comfortable!", we immediately went tripping down the castle steps and running towards the little pier.
"Come on, come on, guys!  Tina, you know you want to see your geesies!"
(I hope the ASPCA doesn't come after me for cruelty to senior dogs.  One of my dogs, Tina, is 15-years-old and Chance, my Pomeranian is 13-years.)
Breaking the speed record, we were at the pier in a matter of two minutes!
And as soon as they saw me, Mama and Papa came cheerfully sauntering over. "Where you been?  Haven't seen you in a few days!"
"It's not MY fault you haven't seen me!  I've been here, but you chose to hide in the damn rocks!"
First posing for photos, both geese then looked at me as if to ask, "OK, where's our reward?"
"Reward?  My wings!  I shouldn't give you guys anything for what you've put me through over these past three days!"
But, of course I did.  Reached into my little sandwich bag and tossed some cracked corn to the fun-and-games geese.
Then, I realized I wasn't alone on the little pier.
Two men in their 30's  were standing and gazing down at the turtles, two geese and three mallards on the pond.
One was asking the other about the turtles.
"Well, I am a bird biologist, so don't know that much about the turtles," his friend replied.
When I heard, "bird biologist," I expected that any second, this guy was going to start yelling at me about tossing treats to the geese.
But, thankfully, he didn't.
Instead, he kept talking to his friend about the mallards.
"You know, even though wood ducks are far more plentiful, they are about to declare the mallards an invasive species."
Mallards!  An "invasive" species?
Oh, Jesus!.  What next?   Midnight roundups and gassings of mallards?
I did not attempt to join in the conversation as I had already heard enough.
Besides, by that time, Mama and Papa had sauntered over to their favorite rock near the pier and were preening themselves.  (Getting ready for a romantic evening?)
Walking home from Turtle Pond with my two exhausted dogs, the man's words kept reverberating:
"They're about to declare the mallards an invasive species."
Ah, but I am already paranoid enough about the geese!
And its all Mama and Papa's fault.
Those crazy geesies!
They love to give others -- from weather girls to neurotic New Yorkers to senior dogs, near heart attacks.  -- PCA

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